Not on my "To Do" List

It was a usual Tuesday morning.  We needed groceries, I had my list, and my son asked to come along for the ride.  He promised to ride in the cart, not complain, and be on his best behavior.  I agreed to take him along.  As soon as we got inside the store, he began to resist getting into the cart.  Ok, time to employ the boundaries lessons I've been learning: "You can either ride in the cart, or you can go home."  He chose to go home...but then changed his mind when he realized I was serious.  "Fine, but remember you promised to not complain and be on your best behavior."   I wheel to the first aisle on my list and my son started misbehaving!  Ok, I put the item back on the shelf and wheeled for the exit.  Once he realized I was seriously going to take him home, he begged me to let him stay.  Alright, last try...we go back to the aisle and I pick up the same item off the shelf.  He whines, "The store is BORING, I want to go home."  Item goes back on the shelf, and we begin wheeling for the exit again.  Thanks to the Boundaries with Kids book, I'm staying calm but this is all very annoying to me.  My son is feeling rather triumphant that he is getting what he wants.  That annoys me the most.  As he climbs into the car he looks across the parking lot to neighboring store and comments that Costco is not boring.  I mention casually, "It's too bad you decided to go home, you won't be able to go to Costco."  Then everything falls apart once he realizes he might be missing out on something fun.  The whole drive home, my son- four and a half years old- wailed loudly.  He did not want to go home.  I kept calm (on the outside) and eventually stopped responded to his cries to not head home as he wasn't listening to me at all.  Thankfully, my husband was home so I was able to get his help in calming our son down and deciding on a proper consequence.  I was ticked, by the way, that I'd lost about an hour and a half of my time because of my son's misbehavior.  We decided he'd miss out on a movie and have to sit it out in his room while sister watched.  I'd lost a lot of time so he'd have to miss out on something fun that mattered to him.  Furthermore, I took his sister to the grocery store with me while my son stayed home with my husband for a discussion about being considerate and respectful.  (Thank you, God, for blessing me with a great husband!)

I was in need of some sort of treat after that craziness, which was so out of the ordinary for my sweet but strong willed son.  So, I took little Miss M on a date to the coffee shop.  I let her pick out a donut for us to share.  I got a chai, and she had a milk.  She was wearing an adorable little dress, and her hair was in piggy tails with bows to match her dress.  M was so darn cute, and was absolutely golden on our outing.  (I wished I had my camera with me!)  As we sat there enjoying our snack, I realized this was the first time I'd actually done something fun like this just her and me.  It was a special time for both of us.  After our treat, we went to the boring store and I got all my groceries without any fuss.  I was thanking God for my daughter, and showering her with kisses and praise as we shopped.  I arrived home refreshed and feeling merciful toward my son.  He was in a much better frame of mind, apologized, and all was forgiven.  He even got to go to Costco a few days later, and he was very well behaved!

Later on Tuesday, I had time to process all that had happened.  I realized that my "to do" list for the morning had been to get groceries and make a healthy dinner for my family.  Instead, the Lord was asking me to take the morning to teach my son how to be considerate of others and to respect and obey his parents.  Parenting can be tough, especially when the misbehavior is on display for the general public at the grocery store.  But, parenting is what I'm supposed to be doing in this season of my life.  Every day it stretches me.  I make a lot of mistakes.  Often I feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities on my shoulders.  However, God is teaching me that He will give me the grace and strength to be a mom.  The main thing is, I need to ask for His help.  I just finished reading Kisses from Katie (by Katie Davis), and her story has been a great reminder to me that we can do amazing things with God's help.  Well, I've gotta run... there's a little lady down the hall that just started crying in her crib.  (It's 9:40 pm, and she's still awake!)

My family...blessings each and every one.

Book Club: Kisses from Katie

Want to read along?  I've been waiting for this book -Kisses from Katie- for a few months.  What a sweet surprise to find it on the hold shelf at the library today.  Usually I don't even try to read when the kids are awake.  However, I couldn't wait till bedtime to start reading this one, so I read (somewhat successfully) in the midst of the kid chaos.  This is a book that is going to challenge me, but in a good way.  It's about a young lady who visited Uganda for a three week missions trip during her senior year in high school.  After she graduated from high school, she returned to Uganda planning to stay for a year and teach at an orphanage.  A year turned into years and now she's adopted over a dozen girls and continues to do what she can to help the people around her.   If you have read it, or decide to read with me, please let me know!  I had so many great responses (via comments, email, or in person) from the last book, Choosing to SEE by Mary Beth Chapman.  I love hearing from you all and finding out your perspective on the books I'm reading.

Boundaries With Kids

I've read quite a few parenting books.  None of them have been super helpful...I don't know why??  However, I recently checked out another parenting book with hopes that maybe this one would shed some light on the struggles of parenting a four year old & a two year old.  Yep, I found the book! Boundaries With Kids by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend. This one is a winner!!  I'm seeing results as I implement the suggestions, hallelujah!  The biggest one for me is giving consequences while showing empathy instead of anger...that has been very effective with my four year old son.  You can read about showing empathy while giving consequences starting in chapter 4: The Law of Sowing and Reaping.  I think I'll need to read the book over quite a few times to let it all sink in because I need to change my perspective and how I approach certain situations with my kids.  I wish this book had been required reading instead of some of the other books I had to read before we adopted. (Yep, they require that you read parenting books if you want to adopt!) What I love about this book is that the authors are Christian psychologists (they understand how people tick), they incorporate scripture into every chapter (so I know they are giving wise advice), and they give lots of real life examples that make sense (which keeps me interested and connected to the text).  Of course, I'm also learning a lot about myself and areas where I need to establish better personal boundaries.  I checked the book out at my local library and then decided to purchase a copy on Amazon for around ten dollars.

Kentucky Fried Chicken Books

Some books that I read are just for fun.  The content is seriously lacking in depth, the plot is implausible, and the characters have "super powers" that those of us who live outside the pages of fiction don't possess. (Like they live on three hours of sleep, eat candy bars for breakfast, and the lead male seems to be able to read the lead female's mind at just the right moment.)  Nevertheless, every now and then it's fun to read a book like that.  I've affectionately dubbed them Kentucky Fried Chicken books.  I guess because they are sort of the junk food of literature.  I find myself reaching for KFC books when I'm really stressed out, or on a long plane ride, or on vacation- who wants deep, heart-wrenching books at times like that?!?

Well, the three books I recommended in my book club post (Want to Read Along?) are not KFC books.  Recently at nap time, I found myself craving a KFC book as I just wanted to unwind after a cranky morning with the kids.  However, I don't have any shallow and vapid books to read!  Bummer.  Instead I chose to read Choosing to SEE.  Actually, it was probably just what I needed as it reminded me that the moments I have with my (sometimes cranky) kids are fleeting.  This book has also helped me to slow down a bit and not rush through the nap and night time routines with my little ones.  Plus The Read Aloud Handbook has reminded me to not short change the reading times with the kids as reading aloud to them is so beneficial.

Anyway, I was just pondering how some books can add so much to our lives, and others are just a source of entertainment.  When I was a teen and in my early twenties, almost all the books I read were KFC type books.  Now that I'm getting "older", I find myself choosing literature that will enrich my life rather than just entertain.  But, we all need balance and some time to just let our brains rest from real life now and then- right?!  Here are a few fiction writers I've enjoyed reading, some are KFC and others have more depth... Dee Henderson (extremely KFC but enjoyed her O'Malley series), Kristen Heitzmann, Lynn Austin, Francine Rivers, Tamera Alexander, Julie Klassen, Lisa Samson, Jane Kirkpatrick, Lauraine Snelling, Tricia Goyer, & Elyse Larson (Women of Valor series is a favorite).  If you have any fun KFC books (or good fiction writers) that you'd like to recommend, please share in the comments.  I look forward to hearing from you!

Want to Read Along?

Hi friends, how about a virtual book club?  I love to read, and have three books that I'm enjoying right now.  If you are interested, you can read along with me....

Choosing to SEE by Mary Beth Chapman

Wow, this is a good book.  I've already read 169 pages in two days!  Some parts are tough- really tough to read- other parts have had me laughing out loud.  Mary Beth is the mom of six children, so all moms will relate to some part of her story.  She's adopted three daughters from China.  (We adopted our daughter from China a year ago, so I've greatly enjoyed the stories about China.)  Mary Beth also shares candidly about her struggles with depression, self-image, and dealing with grief and the loss of her youngest daughter.  She is married to the well known Christian musician Steven Curtis Chapman and shares interesting stories about their life together.  This book is ultimately a message of hope and points the reader to God who holds the whole world, and each of our stories, in His hands.  I think you'll enjoy it.

The Read-Aloud Handbook by Jim Trelease

I originally purchased this book for the recommended reading book lists in the back.  Once I cracked the book open though, I got sucked into all the interesting facts and findings about what causes some students to succeed and others to fail.  (Surprise!  The common denominator for successful students is that they were read to on a regular basis.  Thus, the reason for the book.)  Mr. Trelease gives lots of facts, details, and anecdotes to prove his point.  It's not a dry book at all as he shares personal tidbits often to keep it real.  He also gives some great recommendations of how to read to your kids at each age level.   But, he is so passionate about his subject that sometimes I feel like he being alarmist, or ranting a bit.  I don't agree with his feelings that the government should shame and bully parents into reading to their kids.  To me, that's extreme and not the way to go about things.  I have only read two of the nine chapters in this book, so I'm not sure if my opinion on the author's tone will change or stay the same.  All in all, I've already learned a lot from this book, and I've found the research and study results fascinating.  This is probably because I'm a teacher and helping kids learn- especially learn to READ- is one of my passions.  This book will not appeal to all moms, but it's worth checking out at the library to get some good read aloud suggestions.  The books are organized according to age groups so it's easy to find a section that would be applicable to your children. 

Lord, I Want to Know You by Kay Arthur

This is a devotional study on the names of God.  I am really excited to embark on the journey of getting to know God better.  A friend of mine recommended this book to me, and already after one day into it (I'm on page eleven)...I'm recommending it to you!  I've always loved mysteries and as a girl I spent my summers reading Nancy Drew books.  So, I'm realizing that I'm excited about this book partly because God is a mystery to me in many ways.  I want to know Him better.  Each section of this book is peeling away a bit of the mystery and revealing more of the truth about our Maker.  Another reason why I bought this book is because being a mom has showed me on a whole new level how much I need God's help.  He has all the answers, and I definitely don't!  Also, I want my kids to know God and find comfort and hope in Him too.  The better I know Him, the better I can parent them and teach them about their Heavenly Father.  Finally, this book is very encouraging.  It's full of truth and life because it's filled with scripture.  This book is like eating cheesecake- I take a bite and then savor it.  I read a bit and then mull it over and ponder the truth for a while.  Soon I find myself hungry for more and jump back in for another bite.  Oh, it's so good...life to my soul!  Why not join me in this Bible study?  

Preschool at Home: Finger Painting

I discovered a great resource for doing preschool at home.  It's a book called: Slow and Steady Get Me Ready by June R. Oberlander.  It suggests age appropriate activities for each week of your child's life from birth to age 5.  I decided to try out the activity listed for M's age (almost 21 months old).  Personally, I'd never offer my less than two year old paint, but if the book said they could handle it then I was willing to give it a try.  My sister was visiting, so each kid had an adult nearby to keep things from going crazy.  I cut up some celery, carrots, and apples so we could use them for making prints on paper.  Eventually, it turned into finger painting and we got quite messy.  But everybody had fun and M actually enjoyed it the most.  She's quite the little artist!  

Our lovely Miss M jumped right in and started stamping away like a pro.  

Our little group: K (in Daddy's old shirt), Auntie, Miss M, and Mommy.

Celery seemed to work the best for little hands and made neat designs.

Big Brother K refused to smile while Daddy took pictures of our happy group.
Auntie knew how to make Mr. K smile though!  No faces were actually
painted in the the making of this smile.  :) 

Author Spotlight: Tricia Goyer

It's fall and I find myself in-doors more often now.  With the days getting shorter and colder, I'm often reaching for a good book, a fuzzy blanket, and a steaming cup of chai tea. (Of course, this is only possible when the kids are asleep!) If you are also in the mood for some good books to read, let me suggest a couple for your reading enjoyment...

I've read four books by Tricia Goyer and enjoyed all of them.  My two favorites are: From Dust and Ashes and Blue Like Play Dough.  In researching a bit for this post, I discovered that Tricia has written over 30 books!  Here's her blog if you want a complete list of titles: http://www.triciagoyer.com/booklist.html

The cover didn't sell me.  I almost
brought it back to the library unread!
Glad I didn't as it was a great read.

The first book, From Dust and Ashes, is a WWII historical fiction, which happens to be my favorite genre when I'm looking for a fun read.  This one focuses on a little town in Austria and the liberation of a prison camp at the end of the war.  I found this book to be so captivating that I read it all in a two days!  That is not normal for me, so I think it must have been a great book.  Of course there's romance, mystery, and adventure, but it was mostly quite believable which is important to me.  It's obvious that Goyer did her homework and was familiar with the historical data that she wrote about.  In her other book I'm recommending, you'll find out why she's so familiar with the happenings of WWII.

I read this one slowly but enjoyed
each chapter and the unique life lessons
shared through her own experiences.

Blue Like Play Dough is a non-fiction book.  It's basically an autobiography about Tricia Goyer and her family.  Being a mom, I like to read true stories about other moms.  Sometimes it's very encouraging to hear that my daily experiences are similar to what other moms are going through.  However, Tricia is anything but a "normal" stay at home mom.  She is an author, homeschool mom, and has various volunteer jobs including working at a crisis pregnancy center.  She has also interviewed lots of WW II vets as part of her research for her writing.  All in all, I found her life story to be fascinating and inspiring.  The book was also a good reminder to enjoy each stage with my kids because they do grow up so quickly.

Happy reading to you, and please feel free to leave me a comment and share your favorite book or author.

Upgrade

I am reading a great book about the "ten secrets to the best education for your child".  It's called Upgrade by Kevin Swanson.  Check it out and see what you think.  Although the focus is education, I'm finding a lot of helpful parenting advice in this book too.  It's hard to sum up all the awesome things this book addresses, so I'll just recommend it and let you find out for yourself.  If you are considering homeschool, this book is a must read.  If your child is struggling in a certain subject at school, this book may give you some direction or inspiration on how to help them succeed.

This book will encourage you and maybe surprise you too.

Have You Read This Book Yet?

One day I was browsing for books to read.  I came across this title: Heaven is for Real and requested it from our local library.  Apparently, it's a popular book because I had to wait a couple of months for it.  Once I got it, I read it all in 24 hours.  It's an awesome book and I urge you to get a copy.  You will be so blessed by it.

Here's a brief summary: A little boy named Colton, very close in age to my son, had to have an emergency surgery when his appendix ruptured.  During surgery, he visited heaven.  Over the course of a couple years, he shared bits and pieces of what he saw with his family.  Awesome stuff!  

The way Colton described things, and the process of the story unfolding at random times, is similar to how my almost four year old son will tell me things. (Which leads me to believe that his story is authentic.)  Our son, Kieran, went through a major event in December 2010: Mommy & Daddy went to China for three weeks without him.  When we got home, he didn't talk about his time away from us at all.  It sort of perplexed me.  Then a couple of weeks ago, six months after our China trip, my husband went out of town for twelve days.  That experience brought all sorts of memories to the surface for my son.  While Daddy was gone, Kieran began telling me about his time with his grandparents while we were in China.  Never a long explanation, just a tidbit about where they ate, or how he felt while we were away.  That is similar to how the story unfolds of Colton's trip to Heaven.  

Without spoiling the story, I have to say that one of my favorite parts was when Colton's dad asks Colton what he did while in heaven.  His answer was simple: "Homework".  Apparently, he went to school there.  Jesus was his teacher, and he liked school the best of all his experiences.  I know I'd love school too if Jesus were teaching the class!

One Thousand Gifts

Like no other book I've read.  It's definitely worth reading.

Recently I realized that I have been spending way too much of my time in a bad mood.  Often I'd find myself exhausted at the end of the day, and then awake to a feeling of, "I don't want to do another day of what I did yesterday."  But how do I change?  What can I do differently so that I can enjoy my life and the sometimes chaotic season (two kids, you know what I mean) that I'm in?  

My neighbor recommended One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp, and just by her brief summation I knew that I needed to get a copy and dive in.  Eagerly I waited for it to arrive from Amazon.  The first chapter had me in tears - this was not helping me have a better perspective on my life.  However, I kept on, knowing that the author was setting the stage for why she was on her own journey to find joy in the moment.  Her writing is unique and requires time and thought.  I find that I cannot rush through a chapter, but must stop after a page or so and mentally chew on the ideas she shares.  

What's the whole point of the book?  Thanksgiving is the key to having joy in our lives.  Simple, but so profound.  It's changing my life when I choose to tune my thoughts to ones of gratefulness.  At the end of grateful days, I'm not so worn out.  Come to find out, being mad all the time is exhausting.  Thankfulness is refreshing.  I'm slowing down as I seek out things to be amazed by.  There are so many things -gifts- God has given us that we can be thankful for.  Really, I'm sorry that I haven't been more observant. I'm learning that regardless of our circumstances, we can find things to be thankful for---if we look for them.  For example, recently I noticed how beautiful strawberries are as I sliced the tops off.   I stopped to look at each one and admire the unique starburst pattern hidden inside.  As I paused to admire the beauty in each berry, my son was having a fit about something.  I think it was related to potty training, and him not wanting to be told to stop his play to use the bathroom.  Instead of getting swept up in the fit, I just calmly sniffed a strawberry, and savored the sweet smell.  Ah, that sniff enticed me to take a bite.  So while my son had a melt down, I thanked God for strawberries.  Ridiculous, maybe.  But I know that this fresh perspective is making me a more peaceful person, a better mom, and a more pleasant wife.   This is something I'm going to have to work at, as my normal mode of thinking is to find fault with things.  It's not easy, but I know God will give me the grace to change.    

I'm on a journey to learn how to enjoy the every day moments in life...perhaps you'd like to join me?  Get a copy of the book, or read the author's daily blog.  I've added a link (look for the black button with a tree that says, "a holy experience")  that leads to Ann Voskamp's blog.

Do you have a good read to suggest?

I'm still here!  Preparing for and then hosting Thanksgiving took a lot of time and energy, so I've not had motivation to blog in a while.  However, tomorrow is December 1st, and I'm going to try and post something every day for 12 days.  We still don't know when we are traveling to China, so this will be a great diversion for me as I'm liable to go a bit nuts waiting to find out our travel dates.

Anybody read a good novel lately?  With the holidays' busy hustle and bustle, and the prolonged wait to meet our daughter, I'm finding that I need to be more intentional about stress management.  Often, I'll read while K is taking a nap as a way to unwind.  Lately I haven't been able to find a good book to read, so I thought I'd ask my fellow moms for some suggestions.  What do you like to read?  Please leave a comment about your favorite author or book. What genres do you enjoy the most?  I prefer historical fiction, mysteries, and biographies.

A series that I've really enjoyed reading is Red River of the North by Lauraine Snelling.  It's followed by three more series about the same people: Return to Red River, Daughters of Blessing, and Home to Blessing.  These novels follow the lives of several families that immigrate to the states in the mid 1800s.  If you enjoyed Little House on the Prairie when you were a girl, then you'd probably like these stories.  I began reading these books when my grandma was still living.  She had lost her ability to speak after a stroke.  Her mobility continued to degenerate, so mostly she spent her days sitting.  She lived several hours away from me, so I found that sending her books was a way I could show her I cared.  I sent her each book in all three series and would check the same book out at the library.  That way, we could read the books together and then have something to talk about in our letters.  She passed away before the fourth series came out, but I'm still reading it as the books are published.  It's a special way to remember my Gram and feel a bit connected to her.  Here's the author's website if you'd like more details on the books: http://www.laurainesnelling.com/html/adultfiction.html

Book 1 in the Red River of the North Series