Sleep, or the Lack Thereof

Our daughter is delightful, but she doesn't like to sleep.  I think this might be normal for some kids.  We don't know much about her first eleven months of life, but I often wonder if nights were a rough time for her.  Maybe that's why she struggles now.  Or perhaps she'd have the same issues with sleep if she had grown in my womb.  Anyway, we've tried all kinds of things to help her sleep through the night...with the goal of all of us getting some much needed uninterrupted sleep.

Here's our most recent sleepless adventure...
Last night our dear daughter woke me up at 3 am with a soaked diaper.  I changed the diaper and escorted her back to bed.  As she started to protest, I gently reminded her that she could play in her room if she wasn't tired, but I needed to sleep so she must stay in her room.  She chose to play in the hallway outside our bedroom door and I guess she got bored, so she popped back into my room at 4 am.  Lovely.  That time she got a consequence and I calmly returned her to her bed.  I was proud of her that she didn't melt down but accepted the circumstances.  She finally went back to sleep in her room and slept till 8 am.  At nap time today, she opted to skip the nap and played in her room instead.  By dinner she was exhausted and took a brief nap while I got the meal prepped.  I woke her- have to admit it was sort of fun to wake her since she woke me twice last night!!- so she could have dinner with us.  She was an angry bear!  But, finally she ate and we went through our normal night time routine after eating.  Funny thing, while we snuggled and read books she repeatedly told me, "I'm not tired!"  But all her body language shouted, "I'm exhausted!"  My husband and I laughed and laughed.  I figured at bedtime she'd drop off quickly.  Nope, an hour later she was cruising the halls again- which she is not supposed to do.  I reminded her that a consequence awaited her if she roamed around again.  As I write this, all is quiet and our sleep fighter has finally given in to slumber.

Our sweetie in her toddler bed. The bed didn't last long as she kept falling out in her sleep. Not fun.

Like I said, we've tried so many different "solutions" in the 18 months that our daughter has been home from China.  Some things work for a while, but then we revisit the struggles all over again and new solutions have to be found.  I've read the books, and I've dialogued with other adoptive moms from our travel group.  Still, I'm reaching out again to see if there's an idea that we haven't tried.  (Please share your thoughts in the comments section!!)  Also, having her out of the crib is still quite new and presenting a whole new set of "adventures" for us to figure out.

Here's our list of trial and error attempts to help our girl rest well:
-stick to a night time routine
-night light and ocean sounds in room
-no night light (now she has one again)
-bottle before bed (when she was a baby)
-no bottle before bed
-rock her to sleep in desperation
-investigated food allergies (none we know of)
-bumper in the crib
-no bumper in the crib
-parent sleep on the floor in the room (when we are desperate)
-change diaper around 10:30 or 11:00 pm
-scripture lullabies playing in room
-daughter sleeps in our bed (she thrashes around, chats, and nobody sleeps!)
-switch from crib to toddler bed in her own room
-switch from toddler bed to twin mattress on the floor
-she prefers sleeping on the floor since she rolls off the mattress in her sleep
-digital clock in her room so she knows what time it is (still learning her numbers)
-sleeping on the floor in parents' bedroom...a solution when we are desperate
-allowing her to play with stuffed animals in her room until she's tired
-snuggle with her till she falls asleep, another desperate measure
-always...we pray.

The one thing that is working for me is to stay calm in the midst of loud crying in the middle of the night.  I tend to get really ticked when I don't get good sleep, so this has not been easy for me.  I know God is using this whole experience to smooth the rough places in me and make me more like Jesus.  I also know that this is only a season.  Eventually, our daughter is going to be able to sleep through the night regularly.  Still, it can be really rough being in the midst of it.  That's why I so appreciate conversations with other moms.  We usually discover as we chat that our life experiences are strikingly similar at times.  Sometimes one mom will have a brilliant idea that is so helpful.  Other times it's just a balm to have somebody to talk to that can honestly say, "I know what you mean!"  Thanks for listening to me babble on tonight!

Strengthening Family Bonds

Laughter, prayer, time, dinner & conversation...these five elements strengthen family bonds, at least that's what researchers claim.  Being an adoptive mom,  I probably think about bonding more often than non-adoptive parents.  We had to work at connecting with our kids and developing a bond.  I've found it's an ongoing process, much like keeping your marriage healthy.  My two children initially bonded with us through different means.  Our son (19 months old at adoption) is a snuggler and wanted to be held or near us all the time which made bonding fairly easy.  Our daughter (10 months at adoption) has bonded with us best by having fun together and positive eye contact.  It seems to me that connecting with her took longer than it did with our son.  She has since learned to be more snuggly and affectionate which is such a wonderful gift to us!

How do you promote a strong bond between you and your kids? Listed below are some of the activities we've done that have been most productive towards bonding.  Perhaps they will give you some fresh ideas to try with your own kids. (Most of them you probably already do!)  But I'm especially writing this post for adopting parents who are about to become parents.  Like you may be, I wondered with both of our adoptions if we'd connect with our kids.  I worried, would they learn to love us?   The answer is yes!  It takes time but they do, and you become a family.

• Blowing bubbles.

• Playing in the water (pool, sprinkler, watering can...whatever)

• Bake something yummy together.  

• Play Peek-a-boo.

• Wrestle. (At our house, an adult laying down is an open invitation to wrestle- whether we want to or not!)

• Let them help you with a project.  My son helps me make birthday cards for people & wrap the gifts.  Right now even housework is fun for them.  Occasionally, I let them help with vacuuming.

• Go through the drive-thru to get burgers & fries.  Then park somewhere and climb in the back seat and eat together.  My kids love this!  It's something special they do with me when daddy is working a late shift.  Sometimes we take it home and eat it there, especially ice cream!!

• Jump on a trampoline or in a bouncy house.  It brings out the kid in all of us adults.

• Go on an adventure together: a walk in the neighborhood, story time at the library, a train ride...

• Turn on fun music and dance together.  I like to pull out the Bee-Bop-Band and give everybody and instrument to play while we boogie, or we'll just prance, march, jump, or twirl around.

Some of our favorite songs to dance to are:

-Barnyard Dance by Sandra Boynton

-Somewhere Over the Rainbow / What a Wonderful World by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole

-Reach by Peter Furler

-A New Hallelujah & When I Think of You by Michael W. Smith

• My top suggestion: READ together.  This is also a great time to snuggle.  If you're new to my blog, check out my posts on Children's Literature.  Periodically, I post about books that we enjoy.  We visit the library often to keep story time fresh and fun for all of us.

Just some ramblings...

We've been home from China for a week now.  I've mostly been huddled inside my house with my little family just trying to keep everybody fed and in clean clothes.  Today I thought I had the energy to venture out for a while.  I took baby M with me on some errands.  She was so good and just hung out in the front pack while I wandered the stores.  We were gone for about 90 minutes.  At the last store, I suddenly was very tired.  Either I'm seriously out of shape, or haven't recovered from our travels as well as I thought!  Tonight we had scrambled eggs w/ chicken sausage and Costco muffins for dinner.  It's the first meal I've made since we've been home.  Thankfully, we have been well fed by my family and MOPS group.

So, after overcoming exhaustion, how do you make life work with two kids?  I'm not sure yet.  Seems like routine is going to be my mainstay.  When it's just me at home, DVDs and entertaining toys are very helpful for taking care of one child while the other is kept busy.  K got color changing cars (from the movie Cars) for Christmas.  You dip them in warm or cold water to make them change color.  Those keep him engrossed for a long time.  M is not crawling or walking yet.  The exersaucer is a favorite with her.  We tried the Johnny Jump-up today and she mostly hung out in that and twirled around.  However, she was content enough for me to take a shower.  Right now, she's happy to just roll around on the floor on her tummy.  She's figured out how to roll in all directions and there's no telling where she'll end up.

Well, it's time for M to have a bottle.  K is busy with Daddy.  Life is so much easier with both parents home!  Please share your survival tips for caring for two solo.  My husband heads back to work next week.

Taking a break...

Hi fellow moms and friends,
I'm going to China in three days, and we'll be meeting our daughter in one week!!  So, I'm going to take a break from my Mom Thoughts blog for a while.  Once we are back home and settled in a bit, I'll begin blogging again.  Merry Christmas!

Day 4, Handmade Christmas Ornament

Welcome to day 4 of the 12 blogs of Christmas!  One of our Christmas traditions is to get a new ornament for the tree every year.   Often we'll buy an ornament when we are on vacation.  I love to decorate the tree each December and recall the memories the each ornament represents.

Last year, we adopted our son from Rwanda.  What an amazing journey that was!  I do have a small basket from Rwanda that we hang on the tree to commemorate our trip to get him, and to celebrate his birth country.  However, I wanted an ornament that shows how Africa has been woven into the fabric of our family.  Out of the blue, I got inspiration to make my own ornament in the shape of Africa with the use of a cookie cutter.  (I found the cookie cutter on Copper Gifts.com)  I used two colors of Sculpey clay to show how even though we have different skin colors, we're still one family.  Rwanda has three official languages, one of which is French; so I used a rubber stamp (from Stampin Up!) with French script on it to add visual interest and texture to the ornament.  Finally, I placed a brad in the shape of a heart to represent Rwanda.  (I baked the ornament according to Sculpey clay's directions.) The finished product exceeded my expectations.  I've made four more since then as gifts, but this first one is my favorite.  Each one looks different since the clay molds together in unique shapes.

My original idea of an ornament that represents our family.  

You can use polymer clay to make all kinds of ornaments.  This would be a fun activity to do with grade school kids.  You only need a few items to make them: clay, cookie cutters, a rolling pin, a straw to make the hole at the top, ribbon, and some embellishments.  Give it a try!