Strengthening Family Bonds

Laughter, prayer, time, dinner & conversation...these five elements strengthen family bonds, at least that's what researchers claim.  Being an adoptive mom,  I probably think about bonding more often than non-adoptive parents.  We had to work at connecting with our kids and developing a bond.  I've found it's an ongoing process, much like keeping your marriage healthy.  My two children initially bonded with us through different means.  Our son (19 months old at adoption) is a snuggler and wanted to be held or near us all the time which made bonding fairly easy.  Our daughter (10 months at adoption) has bonded with us best by having fun together and positive eye contact.  It seems to me that connecting with her took longer than it did with our son.  She has since learned to be more snuggly and affectionate which is such a wonderful gift to us!

How do you promote a strong bond between you and your kids? Listed below are some of the activities we've done that have been most productive towards bonding.  Perhaps they will give you some fresh ideas to try with your own kids. (Most of them you probably already do!)  But I'm especially writing this post for adopting parents who are about to become parents.  Like you may be, I wondered with both of our adoptions if we'd connect with our kids.  I worried, would they learn to love us?   The answer is yes!  It takes time but they do, and you become a family.

• Blowing bubbles.

• Playing in the water (pool, sprinkler, watering can...whatever)

• Bake something yummy together.  

• Play Peek-a-boo.

• Wrestle. (At our house, an adult laying down is an open invitation to wrestle- whether we want to or not!)

• Let them help you with a project.  My son helps me make birthday cards for people & wrap the gifts.  Right now even housework is fun for them.  Occasionally, I let them help with vacuuming.

• Go through the drive-thru to get burgers & fries.  Then park somewhere and climb in the back seat and eat together.  My kids love this!  It's something special they do with me when daddy is working a late shift.  Sometimes we take it home and eat it there, especially ice cream!!

• Jump on a trampoline or in a bouncy house.  It brings out the kid in all of us adults.

• Go on an adventure together: a walk in the neighborhood, story time at the library, a train ride...

• Turn on fun music and dance together.  I like to pull out the Bee-Bop-Band and give everybody and instrument to play while we boogie, or we'll just prance, march, jump, or twirl around.

Some of our favorite songs to dance to are:

-Barnyard Dance by Sandra Boynton

-Somewhere Over the Rainbow / What a Wonderful World by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole

-Reach by Peter Furler

-A New Hallelujah & When I Think of You by Michael W. Smith

• My top suggestion: READ together.  This is also a great time to snuggle.  If you're new to my blog, check out my posts on Children's Literature.  Periodically, I post about books that we enjoy.  We visit the library often to keep story time fresh and fun for all of us.